Sticktoitness

I can feel it happening already. I have a great idea, a moment of insight, some motivation to do something; anything and then it fizzes out. My ability to carry through and see a project to the end is weak.  It is so easy to start something but to stick it out to the end is a whole different story. And i’m not just talking about the speak off I was going to do it grade 8 or the camaro i’m supposed to be rebuilding with my cousin right now, i’m talking about life in general.  The big stuff like career, relationships etc. Mabe it comes down to discipline, lack of vision, or just being lazy.  I often feel that I get pulled in the direction of other people dreams, never taking the time to formulate my own. Yet to get a job and get up at 4am every day to do something you don’t necessarily like or agree with is for the most part easy.  But to set a goal and go for it at all costs it next to often impossible. What am I saying, to even set a goal is often too much.

Fortunately something other than vision and discipline has gotten me to where I am, and maybe for the first time I am getting a clearer idea of what I want to do and what is truly worthwhile to pursue.  Proof: I was this close to skipping the blog tonight cause I didn’t really feel I had anything to say, I felt lost with it’s direction and purpose.  But I guess  Nike was on to something with the most popular slogan ever and from now on I’m going to make the effort to finish what i’ve started, and start what I really want.  Vision, discipline and fortitude. Sounds like a powerful trio to add to one’s life’s journey, one that so far for me has been largely lacking.  Nice.

Happy Journeys.

An experience?

I think I had a real experience, the kind that comes from within.  At a totally unexpected time when i’m getting out of a frantic shower rushing to get to bed it kind of hit me. Myself along with a few friends have always discussed the route to take in order to affect the most change on the planet.  I’m a believer that it comes from you first and foremost and trickles out into the universe, but I always had this block and could never see how the work you do on yourself would automatically translate into a change in the masses. Good news, it doesn’t have to. It really does follow the path of the chinese?? proverb that says the man you tried to change the world realized he couldn’t, followed by failure with his country, province, community, and family, until finally he changed himself, thus followed by his family, community, etc.  It may sound like an old cliche but feeling it versus just hearing it actually makes a difference. Who would have guessed it? Maybe there is more to the world that just pure intellect?  Just enough motivation to keep the journey going!

If that wasn’t enough there is something I heard in the world of logic a short time ago that has really stuck with me, I think it may even be true; basically says there are two ways to find fufillment. One, you can grow as a person, learn about yourself, develop spiritually, basically be all you can be in the way that suits you or two, you can find some way to contribute. Whether it’s time, skills, money, experience or whatever, as long as you are contributing and helping others you’ll find it. That’s it.  Grow or contribute.  Correct?  Don’t know yet but i’m going to go with it for a while. Cool thing is, both of these supposed routes to fulfillment automatically benefits everyone you know.

If anyone wants to get started in finding a little extra fulfillment, I could seriously use a nice contribution of 2 extra hours of sleep tonight.

Sleeping for an eternity sounds like a happy journey right about now.

Self Talk and the Mother of Them All

It didn’t take long to catch myself in the act today.  4:55am as I was riding the bus to work I realized I didn’t dress properly for the morning or for our cold loving bus driver. Not a big deal if it isn’t 4:55am with a 70 km bus ride ahead of you, but for those that know me well, I like my sleep and I rather enjoy a nice nap whenever I can.  So of course I let myself have it for being so stupid and for a while I was on another trip, one full of anger and loathing.  A cup of strong anger before 5Am – good start to the day. But I bounced back, had a great day, till I got home..

I ended up facing what is one of my greatest challenges. I’m stingy. There I said it. I’m not a giver, I like to take and if something is mine, too bad, it’s not for you and you have no right to it. Unless of course you are one of those people I either really like or admire or want something from, then sure help yourself. But if I feel you owe me something or if I have you judged in a negative light , sorry but no deal. (I think the indignant bit and the tightness are related)  I won’t get into details but it was a rather insignificant act, and I’m not even sure who I should hurl my vengeance toward. But it struck me as it always does, and instead of looking at is as an opportunity to have helped someone out in a pinch, I felt cheated and ripped off and angry. But then I remembered the blog, ahhhh blog. I saw this as a learning opportunity, did what I could to release it and powered through it you could say. Powering through shit = good shit.  Of course this isn’t it for me being a tight ass, I got lots more stuff you can’t have!

Running count: indignant, angry and stingy. If I didn’t have a girlfriend I guess this wouldn’t be the best time to ask who’s free next Friday.  Or maybe it would cause I know there’s lots more where that came from.

Before long the key, shopping and finding fulfillment.

Happy Journeys

The Time Has Arrived

Yes, time to get off the fence and just do it. And if you are reading this, that’s good news cause  it’s much better living life without a fence post stuck up your deepest darkest regions, which in this case would be not inviting you to read along at your leisure.  WHY seems to scream out very loudly right now, and all I can think is why not. I’ve also had a nagging thought that this isn’t the right thing to be doing,  being on a spiritual path or whatever you want to call it doesn’t mesh well with blabbbing it all over the world and I wonder if I have slipped farther into the realm of ego, trying  to look smart or impress you with what info I’ve acquired.  Yeah, that could very well be it.  Hence the gap grows.

But, and don’t take this personally, right now this is more about me. There it is again.  What I mean is it feels good to just express yourself.  Like the fact that I know I have been an uptight, righteous person at work  on a regular basis.  I think the proper word is indignant. And of course it is not just at work, I have had many close relationships/friendships where I know and can see myself being this way.  Thinking I am better than others and no matter what they do it will either anger me or just piss me off. I feel I am owed something for nothing, just cause it’s me and you all suck! lol. It’s not that bad but you get the point.

So that’s a start, my goal for the next while is to catch myself having already made up my mind on someone and instead just letting them be, and then if they piss me off, watch the f#@k out!

Eternity is right here and now, how are you spending it? Happy Journeys

ps, if anyone knows any neat tricks to using a blog let me know, ie, how to create a signature or something. Thanks.  Oh and feedabck of any kind is welcome.

Hmmm..

That didn’t take long. The voices of doubt sure don’t waste time in letting you know you’re probably doing something really dumb, and asking why anyone would ever want to read what you write, let alone get something from it? On the bright side, I did find another great little site that seems to be full of nifty wisdom in case you really are looking for substance –http://zenhabits.net/. Especially liked the article on The Art of Small – How to Make an Impact.  Got to run  – off to fill the void with shopping! Sort of.

About

That’s what I’m trying to figure out! Superficial answer goes something like this…Good ol’ Canadian boy born and raised in the beautiful province of Newfoundland (and Labrador), in search of the illusive peace of mind we often yearn for. After university, college and a couple of short stints in the working world, I opted to make a go of it for myself in a home business. A great success by my standards, not so by most onlookers, I “resigned” and decided that money was still needed to help my world go round. Like most Newfoundlanders in search of money, myself and my environmental science degree ended up in Fort McMurray, working in what may be the most environmentally degrading industry in the country.

Realistically I’m looking to experience life in it’s most valid forms outside of ego and mind, inside truth and awareness. And I think I know the Key, check that, A Key. The trick is I don’t get a chance to try it in the door for another 7 months. So until then I’m going to live life as usual working, getting angry, having fun, feeling limited, learning and so forth. Lucky you, you get to follow along as I detail my life in this normal state, observing as I become aware of all the limiting things in my life, all the things that piss me off, the inadequacies, fears, shortcomings (plus some of the good bits), and then join me as I turn my hopeful key in the lock of life to see what awaits on the other side.

Whats in it for you? I dunno, you’re the one reading it! I guess it is possible that you may associate my experiences with your own life, maybe become aware of things that have remain hidden for many years, attain Nirvana and sustain yourself on the suns rays and oxygen in some remote mountain range forever. Or you may just like to see the pains and pleasures of everyday life of someone you may or may not know and have some good gossip for whenever it is needed. Or maybe find the middle ground and revel in everything from the mundane to the mystical.

For me….. I’m not too sure to be honest. I hope it will allow me to further observe myself, to help me break free of the conditioned patterns and behaviors that rule our everyday lives. There is extra emphasis to start learning something cause I don’t want the whole world to know how stupid and selfish I can be. Oh, and it’s a way to give something back and stop being so selfish. I’m just not sure what it is I am giving, but it has to be a form or giving, right?? If nothing else it provides an outlet for years of thinking and pondering and a way to organize and direct my life into something more meaningful. Kind of like a journal, but a little more public.  For those of you fortunate enough (or not) to share the day to day experiences with me, no worries I won’t be using your names or portraying anyone as the bad guy. Unless you really push my buttons!  Besides that, it just feels right and I’m sure greater answers will make themselves known in time. What’s that, sounds like another point for awareness. See, the tide is turning already. Happy Journeys.

Hello world!

Wow, I just decided to start this whole blogging thing about 45 minutes ago. Not that long when you consider we exist for an eternity. Or do we? To be honest, I can’t answer that at this time. I am lead to believe we are infinite, eternal beings existing before our birth and after our so called death. Not your everyday concept but one of many that I have taken a keen interest in the past few years. Problem is I have no proof, no direct experiential evidence to validate what the greatest teachers through time have been saying. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe them, but simply believing something to be true versus experiencing the truth are completely different realities. Thus my quest; to move from the world of intellect, ego and thoughts into a place of being, presence and awareness. Score for the past 5 years: Intellect and ego 848,893, 372. Presence and being – 0.5. It may look like an uphill battle but who’s in a rush, we got eternity right!