Exciting Times

I’ve begun to use the Internet. It’s a pretty neat thing when you can start to organize it and tailor it to your needs. I’ve been surfing the Internet for about as long as it’s been around but never actually took any time to learn to use it effectively. Pretty crazy when you consider that virtually anything I’d ever want to know is right at my fingertips.  All knowledge amassed together about a foot from my face.  Not to say it isn’t full of s*@t as well cause it is but I guess it’s up to me to decipher what’s what.

I’m excited, feels good to be working on something creative and expressive.  Everything seems to be going good these days, (not that it ever really goes bad) I get to spend my days with great people, work is easy, the sun is up for 18+ hours a day and I’m looking forward to a trip later this year that I feel will alter the course of my life.  Yet as good as things are, and as good as I generally feel I am amazed at how angry I get over the littlest things sometimes. For example work is very simple and I often have to locate various instruments in the field. Sometimes like today it may take me a little longer that I’d like, and in about 3 second I can go from jolly to spitting fire and the longest string of curse words I’ve ever heard. I get so angry over nothing. I rarely get angry at others or even when other people are around but watch me drop something or have a problem closing a zipper and watch out!  May not last long and not sure why it happens, but I think it’s because I expect and want things to go smoothly and I feel that I’m in control. As soon as I lose that control my world gets flipped and so does my demeanor.  A friend once told me that if we can let go of 4 things we’d live in freedom; need for control, need for approval, need for security and I forget the fourth but I guess it may be true. Luckily I can catch myself in my tantrums now and as quickly as it appears it passes but there is a period there when I am genuinely mad.  Guess the inner waters aren’t as calm as I’d like them to be. Hence my desire to live in freedom and not have my being dictated by what happens on the outside. i.e loss/gain, pleasure/pain, shame/fame, and damn it all to hell I can’t remember the 4th thing again. Insert curse words, a few more, bonus curse, feel my blood start to boil.  See the rage, breath, laugh, ahh.. exciting times.

Happy Journeys